Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
