I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
