i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Randomize
