Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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