I feel like abortions should bother me more
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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