I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
