If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
