She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
