My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
