All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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