hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
