the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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