dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I met the friendliest cop last night
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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