was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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