okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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