The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
