I'm jealous of your bromance
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
