Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
i think i just lost a toe
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
