so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
