Midget sex pt 2 tonight
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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