have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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