This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
operation harelip BJ is a go
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
