to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
