I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
