I smell stomach acid.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
