I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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