Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
