Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Randomize
