I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
