non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
