fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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