so that wasnt chicken after all
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
