I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
