jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
her facebook's as public as her vagina
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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