benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
