Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
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