i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
