Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
