I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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