I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
