You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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