I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
