Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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