You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
