Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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