Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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