I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
