Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
