Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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