You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
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