I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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