The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
