In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
How many fucks given?
0.12846
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
