Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
